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The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in with the "Gummit" by labelling Black slang as a language, "Ebonics," has decided to pursue some of that endless taxpayer money pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI - noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
TARRED - adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
FAT - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.
ARE - pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ear!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."