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Rules for Women to live by(as given by men).

1. Return calls.

2. Don't lie, either. We have call waiting.

3. Use handcuffs in place of tape (doesn't stick to hair).

4. If girls night out involves exotic dancers, remember, he's stuffed his speedos.

5. If girls night out is going to be fun, remember.......guys like to watch.

6. The correct response is never, ever, "not tonight, I have a headache."

7. Ditto for "would you like to give me oral pleasures."

8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is VERY GOOD!

9. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are compliments in some cultures.

10. Talking is uncommon, Shouting is ineffective, Slapping generally gets the point across.

11. Ex-girlfriends are nothing more than EX-GIRLFRIENDS. (so get over it)

12. Buying her dinner does equal foreplay if, you use your toes correctly under the table.

13. Two words: clean house!

14. Stop nagging.

15. Never wrong just accept it.

16. You are more attractive when we're drunk.

17. Don't assume PMS is an acceptable response.

18. No means maybe, Yes means I thought you' would never ask.

19. You can't convince us that spending $300 on SALE items saved me anything!

20. Chivalry and Feminism can't peacefully co-exist.

21. 3,000 miles = oil change. Figure it out.

22. If you want to break up with him, don't ask if you can "still be friends" He's got enough friends and you've been complaining about them and that's why you're breaking up in the first place!

23. Don't force him to tell you he loves you in front of other people and if he does, you better hang on to that man for life, honey!

24. Always, always suck up to his mother.

25. Think naked.

26. Even during the daytime.

27. If you ask..."Is she pretty?" be prepared for the truth!

28. Ditto for "Would you sleep with her?"

29. Does not apply to "Do you like my cooking?"

30. Superbowl Sunday IS a religious holiday.

31. On time means ON TIME not "Well I was only 14 minutes late this time."

32. Buns of steel works...try it.

33. My ex-girlfriend did ...refer to # 11

34. Admit you too like to order the playboy channel.

35. The rules ARE never fair. He would have been playing golf if it weren't for the birth of your first child. But he couldn't get a tee time anyway and besides, it'll make him look good in front of the in-laws. You're right about ONE thing, it does all balance out.

These rules are original and cannot be duplicated without the expressed consent of the authors or the nearest male (whichever is closer)


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