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The Top 15 Ways Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long
15. Wet willies from two tables away!
14. Almost guaranteed to be Madonna's sole boyfriend for at least a week or two.
13. Now can carry *two* dozen donuts while juggling.
12. Much easier to clean behind the refrigerator.
11. You can finally do that 3-puppet show without getting arrested.
10. Two-handed typing during cybersex!
9. Interested in Anna Nicole Smith but you're 18, healthy and poor? Not a problem anymore!
8. You'd be a shoe-in for Hollywood "Lizard Boy" roles.
7. For once, it'll be the dog's turn to look at you with envy.
6. You'd need Mick Jagger's lips & John Elway's teeth to stay in proportion.
5. When picking nose, can "cut out the middle man."
4. Tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Hell, gobble a handful and weave a friggin' picnic basket!
3. Increased number of taste buds finally allows one to discern between Kool-Aid flavors.
2. Your previously-neglected navel would suddenly be your second cleanest body part.
and the Number 1 Way Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long...
1. The counselor at Oversized Features Anonymous shows interest in you, but you can't help but question her motives.