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The Top 15 Ways Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long

15. Wet willies from two tables away!

14. Almost guaranteed to be Madonna's sole boyfriend for at least a week or two.

13. Now can carry *two* dozen donuts while juggling.

12. Much easier to clean behind the refrigerator.

11. You can finally do that 3-puppet show without getting arrested.

10. Two-handed typing during cybersex!

9. Interested in Anna Nicole Smith but you're 18, healthy and poor? Not a problem anymore!

8. You'd be a shoe-in for Hollywood "Lizard Boy" roles.

7. For once, it'll be the dog's turn to look at you with envy.

6. You'd need Mick Jagger's lips & John Elway's teeth to stay in proportion.

5. When picking nose, can "cut out the middle man."

4. Tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Hell, gobble a handful and weave a friggin' picnic basket!

3. Increased number of taste buds finally allows one to discern between Kool-Aid flavors.

2. Your previously-neglected navel would suddenly be your second cleanest body part.

and the Number 1 Way Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long...

1. The counselor at Oversized Features Anonymous shows interest in you, but you can't help but question her motives.

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