Joke Categories

Movie Posters
Fine Art Prints
Sports Posters
0100_097A
While in college, a few of my friends went to Mexico on spring break. On their return to the States, one of the guys took a 5 lb bag of sugar and wrapped it up like it was drugs. When they hit the border and was asked to open the trunk, the guards found what they thought was a kilo of cocaine. They immediately grabbed the passangers of the car and impounded the car. The guy that played the joke confessed of what he did and the gaurds did not find it humorous, so they ordered a full body cavity search on the guy who confessed (just in case he was hiding real drugs and was trying to throw the gaurds off by his joke.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, you gotta have folks sitting around a table. I remember this from high school, (god forbid) and we were in the lunch room. You ask a couple of folks if they knew that different color hairs repelled each other. Of course you get those doubters. Confidently, you say you'll prove it. So you take someone with, say blonde hair. Ask them to remove a hair from their head. Then get someone else, with say brown/red/green/blue or pink hair and have them remove one also. Take a glass of water and pour a decent size puddle in the middle of the table (say 8 inches wide...your choise here). Lay both hairs in the water on top of each other. Then Point and get excited and say "Look Look! Don't you see them 'fighting'. they're repelling each other! Look Close!." You should get everyone leaning in close, trying to catch their glimpse of the fighting hairs. When everyone is concentrating on the hairs..slap the puddle of water as hard as you can. It scares the bejeebers out of most and you can all have a good laugh at their gullability.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Practical Joke: buy one of those cards that have the small electronic device that plays a tune.....place it somewhere very hard to find in a colleague's office when she's out (behind a picture, in the bottom of the tissue box)....it will drive her crazy trying to find...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Does the person that you want to get even with drink red wine? If so, have I got one for you! Get yourself some Neutral Red, a water soluble, crystalline red dye. Mix some into the persons wine and wait for them to take a leak. Nuetral Red comes out as red as it goes in, and people have a tendancy to get really nervous when they start peeing what they think is blood!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reprogram the speed-dials in the office of a co-worker to all call "Dial-a-prayer."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If someone goes out of town for the weekend get access to their room.

Lay down plastic wrap all over the room. Around furnature, under the bed everywhere. It is easiest if you remove all furniture then lay down the plastic. Fill the entire room with sod. Now they have wonderful green growing carpet. :) Replace all their furniture, exactly how it is supposed to be. Have farm animals moved into their room right before they get home. Sheep, goats, anything that grazes and is small enought o fit in the room will work. Lock up and leave. Preferrable the country.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time you are having a party, do this prior to the arrival of your guests:

Take a camcorder and place it on a tripod extended as high as possible (and on top of a table or box if necessary) so that it is near ceiling height. Place this in the bathroom (or just outside the door if the bathroom is too small to afford a wide shot. This shot must include the sink area and the toilet.

Select your accomplice and tape her walking into the bathroom, looking into the mirror, fixing her make-up and hair and walking back out. Remove the camera and make this tape available for playback in your VCR.

Sometime during the party, select your victim (preferably female - you'll get better reactions). Wait patiently until they go to the bathroom and when they do, gather EVERYBODY around the television and quickly explain the joke. Have your accomplice (the one you taped earlier) standing by.

When the victim emerges from the bathroom, have your accomplice pass her and enter the bathroom. Roll the tape of your accomplice fixing her make-up and have everybody watching, really interested in what she's going to do.

Observe with delight as the victim succombs to the belief that there's a video camera in the bathroom... where SHE just was!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was going to college in Columbus, Ohio, a good freind of mine, Chris complained for weeks about his two roommates. They were slobs, and disrespectful of Chris's space in the refrigerator. They would drink or eat anything on the shelf.

One Monday, after spending the weekend at his folk's home in Toledo he arrived with a large plate of warm, hot, aeromatic, brownies. He told me he had enough and it was pay-back time. He had baked two full boxes of chocolate Exlax into the brownies.

He then left the brownies on the central table in front of the TV and anounced that anyone that ate these brownies would get the s___ kicked out of them.

He timed it just perfect. After they had eaten the brownies, he waited for the right period of time and then locked himself in the bathroom. The two roommates knocked on the door demnding to get get in. He refused, claiming he was struck with the same problem. " I got the sh__ts too!"

The roommates soon gave up as the urge became unbearable and one of them got in his car and drove off to school to use the bathroom there. We later found out that he had ruined his pants and the car seat on the way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those on Windows 3.1x .....Use Alt + Print Screen at the Program Manager screen to get a screen image into the clipboard. Paste it into the Paintbrush and save it as a .bmp file. Get into the office early on April 1st, load it onto some machines and use it as Wallpaper. Then minimise the Program Manager. Although the Program Manager will still be visible as an icon people will probably be clicking at their wallpaper icons for some time before they notice it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of the best practical jokes I heard of recently was the wife who taped the lottery draw one week. Then, during the next week bought a ticket with the previous week's winning numbers on for her Lottery Mad husband. The next Saturday evening they sat down to watch the draw but just before it started she had arranged a short phone call for him during which she switched on the video with the previous week's show on it. He then returned to see his "winning" numbers drawn out. Of course, he was delirious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Take a bucket of water, two gallons or more, and dump it underneath the front of a friend's car (you do this without their knowledge, of course). Then go in and ask how long they've had that terrible radiator leak! Works like a charm!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Take a small strip of cloth and make a short cut in one edge so that it's easy to tear.

Find a public place to play the prank and set down a dollar bill where the victim will find it.. When he bends down to get it quickly tear the cloth thus inducing the hole in the pants panic dance.

Stand back and watch the fun begin!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok here's what you do. You get the biggest menial envelope you can find fill it three fourths of the way full with shaving cream. Then get all the shaving cream down to the bottom of the envelope go to someone's room (who you don't like) and slide the open end under the door so that it is just inside the room. Then stand up and stomp on the end with all the shaving cream in it ,this will send the shaving cream flying throughout the other persons room. Pick up your envelope (so they don't know how you did it, but if you leave your envelope this is why you don't use one with your name on it) and RUN. This joke is best done at night so no one will see you and the people will wonder how all this shaving cream got all over the place when their door was locked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, you know those sprayers that are connected to sinks. Well the night before (when everyone in your house has gone to sleep) take a rubber band and wrap it around the handle so that the lever you press to spray the water will stay down (you might have to do a little bit of aiming). Now the next person that turns on the faucet is going to get a wet surprise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

INTENDED TARGET: TRAVELLING SALESMEN

If target owns older model car, use bailing wire (or coat hanger) to tie small fish (Carp, Catfish, etc.) onto the engine manifold.

In a couple of days time, the target will start to investigate strange smells. This is especially good if target is about to leave town on holidays or business trip.

Other substances can be substituted (ie. Beef Liver, Eggs, etc. - anything that stinks when half cooked and going bad). DO NOT USE ANYTHING TOXIC - PLASTIC, ETC!

Later model cars need hood/bonnet to be released from inside vehicle, so will only work if target leaves vehicle unlocked (not likely these days).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Call someone up and say you are the utility man on the roof dealing with the "High Voltage Phone Fiber Optics" on the roof, and that because of the work you are doing, the phone will ring a lot. Tell them, no matter what, to NOT PICK UP THE PHONE OR ANSWER IT for ANY reason, or you might be electrocuted. Hang up, wait a minute and call again. Let the phone ring and ring until it is picked up. Give a blood curdling scream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hook up the modular phone cord to something silly, like a lamp, or a potted plant. A lot of people work in offices who have no idea how phones work, and will more than likely call in a repair guy... who will trace the line to the plant and make your schmuck look like a.... well... schmuck.


More Real Life Jokes | Back to JokeDepot.com