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* Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

* Horn broken, watch for finger.

* My kid had sex with your honor student.

* If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

* Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

* I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

* Jesus loves you ... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

* I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

* Keep honking, I'm reloading.

* Hang up and drive.

* Lord save me from your followers.

* Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

* Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.

* I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

* Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

* Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

* Sex on television can't hurt you ... unless you fall off.

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