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GUYS SUCK...... and let me tell you why.

FARTING - How come it's cool for you to do it and disgusting if we do it. And must you lift your leg?

JOCK-ITCH - Get help! Do you see us scratch? We don't want to see you scratch either. PORNOS - Why do you want to see other guys getting what you can't. By the way, it's not good for our skin.


DOUBLE STANDARDS - If you can do it, why the hell can't we?

HONESTY - Learn the concept. It is a good thing.

SENSITIVITY - Get some!!!!

DEODORANT - It's only small change at the corner store. Buy it.

LOCKER ROOMS - Hello.....air freshner.

HEADS - We know you have two. Keep one in your pants and get the other out of your ass.

You can't beat up everyone who looks at us.

You are not the shit, - I AM!

Being drunk is not an excuse to sleep with any thing on legs.

Believe me, sex is NOT number one and you are NOT number one at it.

Why must you tell ALL of your friends about everything you do with a girl? They all had the same DREAM last night anyway.

Do not blame everything we do on P.M.S. You should be glad we're not pregnant.

Try matching your maturity level to your age.

We are NOT objects. We have feelings, thoughts and ideas. We can even form words like "FUCK YOU!!!"

There is more to life than playing cards and video games - How old are you??

Why do we have to look good and you can look like shit?

Can we go out in public? Your room does not excite me.

Can we eat like humans - utensils were made especially for this purpose. Ever heard of knives, forks, and spoons? How about napkins? (This does not include shirt sleeves.)

WAKE UP CALL! - Wasting a ton of money on tuition every year to get drunk, get laid, and play sports is fucking retarded. If you're interested, become a professional athlete and at least GET PAID for it.

I am not putting myself through school to carry your sorry, lazy ass through life.

BIRTHDAYS - If you can remember the size of your cock to the exact millimeter, then you can remember our birthday.

What is the deal with standing in front of your mirror - naked - and thinking "Oh, what a God." Trust me you are not a God.

Rulers were not invented to measure your genitalia - They were not made that small. Why measure it anyway? There will always be someone bigger and believe me, we can find him.

Romance is not three seconds of sweat and nothing and then rolling over and going to sleep.

The one thing you are good for, you are not good at!

No, we will not swallow!!!

It feels so good to take it in the ass. NOT!! Try it yourself, see if you like it.

Remember Meg Ryan's famous 'faking an orgasm scene'? Sound familiar?

When we say we're lost without you, we're probably high.

TIGHTY WHITEYS - Gotta go. (break it to your mother slowly)

When you buy a PLAYBOY be sure to pick us up a PLAYGIRL.

When you screw up, a rose would suffice, but if it's not too much trouble, a dozen would be nice.

WANDERING EYES - We know you look. Try not to make it so obvious.

GET A CLUE! - When we say "HARDER!, FASTER!" we're not refering to your breathing pattern.

HEY BIG FOOT - Nice try. We've figured it out by now that your foot size doesn't equal your dick size. You should

MOTTO'S YOU SHOULD ADOPT - "A stick of dynamite with a short fuse","When you pump up the JACK it gets lost in the CRACK", "Big EATERS have small PETERS","For him... a rare MOMENT, for her..this month's RENT".

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