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It is funny that at such a place
Where well-bred children are sent,
That no one cares much about manners
And so many rules are bent.
If our parents saw us now
Cursing up a storm,
Staying up til all hours,
Drinking in our dorms.

Partying all weekend long,
Trying to stumble back,
Taking those long weekends
With the condoms we did pack.

Buying our new CD's
With our Meal Plan card,
Eating food that's bad for us
Containing sugar and lard.

Who's room was I in last night?
Your guess is as good as mine,
And you're not even here
To try to draw the line!

A toilet we no longer need,
A bush or the lawn will do.
By the way, I streaked the Quad
And my boyfriend streaked it, too!

My room might be a little messy,
Hey, they should give us maids. 
And if you think that is bad,
You should see my grades.  

When you call in the morning,
And I sound like Grover,
Guess what? It's not a cold,

Going to church was a lie,
I never made it there.
I also cut many a class,
And I dyed my hair.

All that extra money
I said I needed for school?
It went to my friends, Busch and Bud.
Now don't you feel like a tool?

I guess if our parents saw us now
They might be a little distressed.
"Just keep sending the twenty thou,
Life at school is the BEST!"

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